The way I am currently recovering from this flu, I will likely not be well enough to play Changeling and Werewolf next weekend.

At present, make contingency plans that I won't be there and assume Shivva hands over in changeling asap, and that River is studying.

If I improve enough, I will try.
Hi all. Just putting in a brief note here about my ic lj.

Anything I post in here is strictly ooc knowledge. This is particuarly relevant to my changeling pc at present. If any of it is used IC I will make a complaint, because none of the detail of what Shivva found that day she got home, or where she was, or who with, or exactly what was written in the note, is known by anyone.

This is not taking any kind of shot at anyone, I am simply being explicit so that there are no mistakes or misunderstandings, or assumptions that its common knowledge some of her goings on.

If someone claims to know it, they need to clear it with me, or with Sparky, and justify how they know it.
All requiem pc's retired.

Caitline is a courtesan, who was born in the 1870s. Embraced around the turn of the century, released 1905 in France. She's Ventrue, OD, and will be a spoiling practitioner, not a coil's monkey.

Ties are welcome - I have a chunk of history to fill, including how she joins the OD and her exposure to spoiling.

Email me at raven dot steps at gmail dot com to talk more, or leave a comment here.

For those wanting to know about Ceri - in a few weeks a post will be made public, after the next vamp game. Events go live this weekend, 31st May, but I am not posting her final story till after game, because it affects events in the next vampire game.

Thanks to Sadhbh for helping me with this.
Hmm. I need a mage icon. I actually don't have one. Interesting. - EDIT. Picture now.

However, that was not the thought my title refers to. I have finally come to realise several things, which all result in me being quite frustrated.

The first and biggest is that Alex is broken. I seriously doubt I can play her as written, for a number of reasons. One of the reasons is that its remarkably hard to break into the Arrow game. I'm finding it next to impossible. And given this character has been Arrow for over 20 years, more like 30, for her to not know people or have plenty of ties is unheard of. Granted she spent 15 years contemplating her navel and most awakened society did not see or hear from her, but still, getting ties out there to reflect the character is verging on impossible.

I actually don't think I can play her like this. She's broken. Its been commented that Alex is more Arrow than Thyrsus. In a way thats true. I'm meeting with the ST next week to talk over how to change her to make her not broken. Its wierd, I have not been able to play anything in mage since retiring Angel. Its like she was the thing that worked. Part of it is that i feel no emotional resonance with Alex, which is incredibly rare when I write something. I don't know why that is.

I need to know, becuase the way Alex is now, and the way i relate to her, I'll just give up and retire her and go back to square one.



Feb. 12th, 2008 06:42 pm
OOC Post!

My wiki's are looking a little bare.... so here! Go rumor and put things!

Yes, i actually made one for Alex.

And Shivva needs a picture - one of me, as her.

River's looking really bare....
Something i want to talk about.

Yesterday morning I had a bad dream. It was a strange one that mixed elements of the SCA and cam scene, and involved a social situation where someone who I consider a friend offended me. It was very very silly, not even anything important, but we argued and it was a very barbed argument. After some reflecting, I think I know what it was about.

Loss of trust. I accept that I have lost the trust and possibly the friendship of several members of the ravenscarred players. But I now also acknowledge they have damaged mine too. Discussion of characters organising hits, players playing politics, not sure if I can trust what people say.

I’d like to see some degree of responsibility taken for making me feel that way, whether it is deserved or not. It’s the only way I have a chance of accepting this and us moving on. Rebuilding a relationship.

I hope that is not too much to ask.

Some people have done a lot of work to help me get past this – Amber and Pat and members of the Wolfe von Stahl in particular. I am still not sure how to move past this. What I am sure of is that if I am to rebuild a friendship with these people then I need to trust, and visa versa. And right now I don't.

I don't know how to fix this, or get it off my mind. I'd really like to get it off my mind. Now, I'm reaching the stage where I may be ready to talk, however uncertain I am about the wisdom of that.

Yes is is unlocked for a reason.

This… is not going to be a popular decision. And I am not really sure when I am going to action it, now, or after Saturday.

I’m placing all my pc’s into freeze. Right now, I’m not capable of living my life, and getting through the day, never mind playing a character. I may keep Shivva semi active, to keep setting up her story, etc in down time. Games will be a no no, and I’m not going to play anyone else.

Ceri…. I’m going to torpor. I have to get her right away from me, and this situation. To make people leave me alone.


I… have been shaking, twitching, disassociating, crying, having nightmares, and feeling very threatened and hated. I know opinion is divided on if I deserve what is happening to me.

I don’t want this to become a flame war on my LJ. I’m going inactive so I can address the stress management problem this has triggered. I ask politely that no one make this any worse or start having a go at me or anyone else.

I know this will derail some people in character. I’m sorry, but right now I’m barely coping with my life, never mind my characters. And that means as a responsible player I get out till I can cope.

Still here

Jun. 14th, 2007 07:05 pm
No posts at the moment. Got half a dozen and change in my head, and some being written, but none here.

I"m still about


Oh, and Ravenscarred people - Please email me.... we need to chat.

OOC post

Feb. 10th, 2007 10:24 am
Hi all.

Sorry for the spam for those on [profile] ravenseer

Wedding pics post, unlocked



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