Something i want to talk about.

Yesterday morning I had a bad dream. It was a strange one that mixed elements of the SCA and cam scene, and involved a social situation where someone who I consider a friend offended me. It was very very silly, not even anything important, but we argued and it was a very barbed argument. After some reflecting, I think I know what it was about.

Loss of trust. I accept that I have lost the trust and possibly the friendship of several members of the ravenscarred players. But I now also acknowledge they have damaged mine too. Discussion of characters organising hits, players playing politics, not sure if I can trust what people say.

I’d like to see some degree of responsibility taken for making me feel that way, whether it is deserved or not. It’s the only way I have a chance of accepting this and us moving on. Rebuilding a relationship.

I hope that is not too much to ask.

Some people have done a lot of work to help me get past this – Amber and Pat and members of the Wolfe von Stahl in particular. I am still not sure how to move past this. What I am sure of is that if I am to rebuild a friendship with these people then I need to trust, and visa versa. And right now I don't.

I don't know how to fix this, or get it off my mind. I'd really like to get it off my mind. Now, I'm reaching the stage where I may be ready to talk, however uncertain I am about the wisdom of that.

Yes is is unlocked for a reason.
....If you called the Crone your covenant and learned their dark magicks, then you done trafficked with demons.....

....From what I have been told and from what I have seen they forsake their humanity for whatever dark powers they posses.....

She kept herself under control long enough to get away from her computer, to change shape and fly to get to some woods. Not the Raven she usually chose, but the Owl of her history. Upon landing, she screamed the hate and pain and violence out, frightening birds out of the trees. As she did so, flickers crossed her mind....

she was chained to the stone as they performed the rite, carving into her limbs till she was screaming and covered in blood, her heart trying to break out of her chest as they enjoyed her body.... she fell into unconsciousness, only to wake in her cell, bandaged, stitched up, in agony

So much of her year in that cell was hidden from her, the crucible that turned her from the young lady who was the Inquisitrix's ward, to an instinctual feral child who would do anything to survive.

Traffic with Demons? thats no better than brood....

Ceri roared with hate, and shredded one of the trees, letting the red haze fall over her eyes and take her away from her mind. Finally, it was over, and she lay in a clearing, her eyes dark. For hours she lay, and in the end the only thing that made her move was the sense of dawn, light in the sky. It was almost up when she willed her blood to take her into the earth's embrace, protecting her.

When she woke that night, she understood. One way or the other, she had to sacrifice something, to keep her honor, and hope it did not destroy her heart.

"Oh, 'Rix, now I understand why you slept..."
Gwynefar paced in the small cabin, too and fro. She had risen early, the sun barely out of sight, the sky still clouds reflected with pink. The conversation repeated itself in her mind over and over, causing shock, and no small amount of both amusement and intimidation.

Stahl's words echoed in her mind, and once again she was relieved that the text medium did not show her shock, as she nearly spat her drink over her computer....

Exodus was captured by the Brood.
Dominion went....she led the charge to reclaim Exodus

One of my Childer had a run in with the Unholy
I am the childe of Bat Reynolds, childe of Exodus

And Dominion is the childe of... Exodus..... And Exodus is the childe of..

The Unholy.

She stopped pacing, remembering back over 150 years to an absolutely driven, surly, determined woman who had calmly sat and watched the girl die, covered in the ash of her nemesis.


Standing still, calling on her blood, she brought her claws forth, to see... Focusing on her family, the woman that brought her over to this.....

And instead of the wolf claws she always had, her forearms covered with jet black feathers, and her hands became talons of a bird of prey.......

Whispered "Oh Dark Mother..... Its time to go home."



March 2009

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