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basts_tailFood for thought about why this club gets to me sometimes, and why i need to not play in person some genres, and during some periods of my life.
GrowlyBethling: you know the reason why rules and bureaucracy gets to me?
GrowlyBethling: because in my head, from very early on, 'following the rules' or 'belonging' = 'being liked/loved/important'.
GrowlyBethling: or being a PERSON.
GrowlyBethling: its very strong imprint. massively.
GrowlyBethling: and what trashes me every single time, is something happening, that 'invalidates' me as a person. It both makes me angry and hurt.
GrowlyBethling: So, rage directed outward to the world, or rage directed inward to me (aka depression).
GrowlyBethling: you know the reason why rules and bureaucracy gets to me?
GrowlyBethling: because in my head, from very early on, 'following the rules' or 'belonging' = 'being liked/loved/important'.
GrowlyBethling: or being a PERSON.
GrowlyBethling: its very strong imprint. massively.
GrowlyBethling: and what trashes me every single time, is something happening, that 'invalidates' me as a person. It both makes me angry and hurt.
GrowlyBethling: So, rage directed outward to the world, or rage directed inward to me (aka depression).
