Just put here for reference. We'll see if she goes anywhere.

Read more... )
Caitline - not going to bother ending. She will be dead by June, for the reset.

River - will play up to her death/retirement. She will be out of play by June, for the reset.

Cat - unsanctioned, not continuing to play.

Zahira - unsanctioned, not continuing to play. This one hurts.

Smoke - continuing to play, so will remain sanctioned till 31 October.

Angel - not active, not playing her in the Independent domain.

Membership. Expires on 31 October 2009. Not renewing. If I'm not going to be able to play how I would like, and have my needs/desires sacrificed for the 'many', then there is no reason I should. Time to go.

I'm angry, but i'm not going to rant. I'll save that for when I join the 'bitter ex-cammies brigade'.

I know I've burnt my bridges with a lot of people.
Listen to this song - its one of my favorites.


Can't embed it, so please use the link.

And then describe for me the character that goes with it, or write a scene about them. I am principally thinking for Requiem, but i will leave that up to you.

I am indulging in a little flight of fantasy with this, and I hope you will help. :)
Food for thought about why this club gets to me sometimes, and why i need to not play in person some genres, and during some periods of my life.

GrowlyBethling: you know the reason why rules and bureaucracy gets to me?
GrowlyBethling: because in my head, from very early on, 'following the rules' or 'belonging' = 'being liked/loved/important'.
GrowlyBethling: or being a PERSON.
GrowlyBethling: its very strong imprint. massively.
GrowlyBethling: and what trashes me every single time, is something happening, that 'invalidates' me as a person. It both makes me angry and hurt.
GrowlyBethling: So, rage directed outward to the world, or rage directed inward to me (aka depression).
She sat looking out of her window, curled up, knees bent to one side, for the comfort of her belly. The brain flickered in and out of the comforting numbness, thoughts of Keira's, thoughts of River's, both of them occasionally looking at the silent girl, with a cub in her belly, with shadows all around her.


She knew she was a danger to them, she had known that for months. Now she was a danger to everyone, no matter what she decided. As if there were anything to be decided, a snide thought floated through the space.

She looked at Rhett, who sat at the desk, looking at her with worried eyes. His love had gone somewhere, and a blank, vacant stranger looked out of River's eyes, one patiently waiting. His girl did not love him any more. If she felt anything at all.

She pretended to feel when the others visited, and hide the vacantness around her pack. She'd never said what was in her mind, nor how often her mind did flashbacks....

He had been taunting her, goading her, swaggering, playing the sexist redneck, knowing it would rile her up. She in turn would be a smart mouth back, meeting and matching his attitude, and instinctively knowing that he was not doing it because he did not like her, but because he was ... flirting in that way that is not about sex... not trying to intimidate her, but instead trying to bring her out of herself.

On this day, he loved fighting her, he goaded her, as the first of the gauntlet circle. None of the others attacked, enjoying watching the pair, slash, block, kick, grab, heel drive, throw, all the while intimidating the other more and more, amping up the power, pushing each other harder and harder. Alicia watched carefully, knowing the dynamic developing between her beta and the girl, and being careful that it did not explode out of their control.

River was getting better and better, and she flowed into the punch, taking him by surprise, and then as he threw her over his shoulder, she twisted and landed, her feet planted against his ass as she launched herself, pushing him into a stagger. Using the momentum, she broke free of the circle, surprising all of them, and making several jump to attention. This had never happened before...

She sprinted hard for the wall, as he turned and chased her, leapt up it, and spring boarded off it into a ball, slamming hard into him, her weight carrying them both to the floor. He lands hard, her legs locking his, her arm across his throat, winding him with the force behind her. Pinning him to the floor, her eyes are alight with fire at her victory.

She looked back to her past, and mourned.

No IC use, i'll tell you if you observe this behavior in River ic.

Also, point of interest on the historical aspects of River - the italics is an old post, index of posts is here - http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/15942.html.

Go look if you are interested in her background.
The farm, 12 October 2008

Rhett had seen the wolf spying on him. He’d become observant in the months he’d been on the farm, watching for pursuit, and then, about a week earlier, he’d spotted it. A two tone tipped silver/grey wolf, he recognised her, and the start of movement she’d given when he looked toward her – almost a dash into his arms, if she’d been human.

He’d asked one of the family if he could grab some sandwiches and wander up to the top paddock, at the back of the farm, and do some of the clean up it needed, easy work for the city boy, so they let him go alone. He took a blanket, and his lunch, and set off. Watching out for her, she trailed him the whole way, and finally he stopped in the secluded trees next to the paddock, miles from anyone. He spread out the blanket, and the food, having pilfered enough for two, and watched, his heart in his eyes, knowing she had come for him.

She padded through the trees, her heart in her eyes, and this time she did move to him, reclaiming her human self and throwing herself into his arms, kissing him. He kissed her back, long drugging kisses till they were both panting and perspiring, and then he rolled her, so she lay on her back as he pushed up the tee and ran his hands and then mouth over her body.

River was on fire, whining in her throat with sensation, and opened her legs as he sucked and nibbled on her flesh, making her nipples bud and ache. His hands scooted up inside her skirt, pulling her knickers down and then the sound of his zip and the feel of him rubbing against her. She writhes under him, and he gasps against her skin, and then thrusts, making both of them moan.

By late afternoon, both of them had lost count of the amount of times they’d come, penetrated the other, teased and tortured till their bodies ached for release. River cuddled him, and he watched her face, running a hand slowly over her body, up to her breast, tracing the veins in it.

“I left in the chaos of WYD celebrations.” He said slowly. “Came out here to find out about your people… the wolves that are not part of the Pure. Get away from my family, so we could be together. Be able to help you.”

River nods, all of this she’d worked out. “I’m sorry for … something was happening at the time…. And there was a fair chance I was going to die as a result. Now, that’s not the case. But you did not deserve to watch that….”

He cuddles her close, his gesture and silence saying ‘never leave me, please’ and River nods to the unspoken question, and says softly “You are part of my territory. I will always protect you.” She kisses him, and pins him beneath her, and slides astride him, excruciatingly slowly.

They return to the house, and Rhett introduces the family sheltering him, as his mate. They make her welcome, and offer her to stay and help on the farm if it suits her and Rhett to do so. She agrees.

I think Shivva would get this as music, and film herself singing it, and send it on CD to Mouse and Gena with the note, look what I found.... Love.. SC xxxxxx

From Rent.
OOC. This is set prior to the previous post, after an odd conversation with Amani, asking her about her future, and what she wants from her life. There are hints in the conversation that Amani is not what she seems, and Zahira has lived in her house long enough to know there is odd things about her.

This is the moment she begins to be reeled in.


Zahira went to the linen loft, to reorganise it, calm, impassive as always as she spoke to the other servants. The senior staff watched her a little unfriendly, as she left her mistress’s audience chamber, but said nothing, and she went about her duties without interference.

Once she was alone, she sat down, and as she folded and organised, her face paled and her heart jumped, the shock and fear of the conversation striking home.

Oh my… what is she? Why is she asking these questions?

She knew without a doubt a change was coming. Something in her told her that her mistress had the power to destroy her without a thought, not just in her power over her, but something else.

She has not aged a day in over 10 years they say….

She is only seen at night….

She is much, much older than she looks…

Somewhere, deep in her bones, she felt fear, like she’d become prey for something a lot more dangerous than a man’s lust.

Until then, I want you to think on what it is you most enjoy about this life, and what you most value

Zahira sits down amid the linen, and contemplates the instruction. Something in that statement…

What do I enjoy in this life? Why did I say no to marriage?

Because it is true what you said – what man would respect a wife and accept her as she was?

My work here… My life here….

What do I most value?

Nothing I’d reveal to anyone….

Hopes and dreams?

To… to have both…. To transcend the limitations of a woman’s life? Or a slaves? I can’t say that…..

What do I tell her??

* * * * *

Zahira listened to Majid speak, asking questions about the things she found out. During their conversation, she watched him, noting the way he looked at her. Her behaviour had changed, she felt more aware that of all the men she’d met, she liked him and respected him the most – perhaps because he accepted who she was, and her skills and did not try to fit her into a gender role.

After she walked away, back to her other duties, Majid watched her go, noting the changes in her. He had tried to reassure her, and knew from her questions she had jumped to the conclusion of their Mistress’s nature. His mind floated back to a private conversation…

You like her, I can see that. She’s worth your time.

It depends on her, it would not be appropriate for me to press a suite upon her.

If you do, or if she does, you have my approval.

Thank you ma’am.

Go gently. She’s only ever seen violence.

* * * * *

Weeks pass, and she watches Majid, as he watches her. A subtle change to their mannerisms with each other becomes slowly apparent, as Zahira comes to realise that there is a man who accepts her as she is, and one she likes and respects.

He notices the change, the awareness, the mannerisms, and nods quietly in satisfaction.

Amani, watching the pair, smiles.

In the days after that fateful conversation, Zahira watched as the other staff were moved from her quarters. That she was ill, only the senior staff told the others. She said nothing, knowing the real reason, and sat curled by a window, slowly adjusting to her state.

She looked the same, but she did not feel the same. Majid, or one of the 3 women, remained within sight of her, and she remained in the house, not venturing outside. It gave her a lot of time to think, remembering the things Lady Amani had said, and ponder her own reactions.

On the first day, the reactions she pondered the most was her physical one – the taste of the blood, the sensation as it took over her body, remaking her into them. The… desire… as it welled into her mouth was something she'd not expected, and now she could see and feel the weight of that loyalty Lady Amani had spoken of.

Majid watched her, pleased, as she watched him. Sometimes, while they were alone, he would ask her how she was, and her eyes would say 'I trust you' and talk a little. The skills were less of a shock than her body's reaction to the taste. She had to watch herself to not move too fast, and it made her slightly clumsy sometimes, as she had to right herself or stop something from being knocked off balance. The cut was easier, although she did notice how ingrained the thought pattern was, that this was no longer a threat. She'd have to watch that later – to not heal without thinking before witnesses – a threat to them all. But above all else, she could not stop thinking about her body's reaction to sucking on her mistress's wrist, and the taste of her.

It did not do for a proper girl to be passionate, but now she was finding the world behind closed doors, was very different to the public face. A lot like her.

That night she went back to Amani's rooms, and closed the door behind her, and bowed as normal. Majid sat outside, and she watched him as he watched her, as she went to the door, and disappeared inside. They spoke further, Zahira curled on a cushion close to Amani, listening, asking questions, and then… the bite, the taste, and her drinking her mistress's blood, her body flushing and firing as it went to work on her.

She was trembling after, her eyes dazed, but it slowed faster this time, as the yoke of servitude slipped a little tighter on her. The mask she displayed to the world slipped a little more, as her love for her mistress strengthened, allowing her to show more of the girl under her impassive exterior.

Amani was pleased. Everything she had seen so far was indicative of what she had expected from this one. She would turn out well.
The way I am currently recovering from this flu, I will likely not be well enough to play Changeling and Werewolf next weekend.

At present, make contingency plans that I won't be there and assume Shivva hands over in changeling asap, and that River is studying.

If I improve enough, I will try.
Hi all. Just putting in a brief note here about my ic lj.

Anything I post in here is strictly ooc knowledge. This is particuarly relevant to my changeling pc at present. If any of it is used IC I will make a complaint, because none of the detail of what Shivva found that day she got home, or where she was, or who with, or exactly what was written in the note, is known by anyone.

This is not taking any kind of shot at anyone, I am simply being explicit so that there are no mistakes or misunderstandings, or assumptions that its common knowledge some of her goings on.

If someone claims to know it, they need to clear it with me, or with Sparky, and justify how they know it.
It was late, and Ceri was circling in raven form, watching the park. Nicolette was arriving soon, and her blood stirred at the thought of seeing her lover again. As she swooped down into the park, to a tree, she noticed something in the shadows, and then heard the sound of sirens, and cars. Gaining height, she checked the cars, and her heart went cold.

Little Hawk remembers....
what it was to be protected,
and to protect others...

That car. That was the model they used. Grey, smooth, unobtrusive. And... oh lady. There was another one. Heading for where Nicolette was meant to be. And another. Circling. Like sharks.

She had to warn her. She flew.

Little Hawk remembers....
the nature of hunger

The smell of fresh blood hit her long before she saw her. And him, obviously woozy from blood loss. Not dead, but close to collaspe. Nicolette must be been hungry.

Sweeping back to the shadows, she takes a closer look at her lover feeding, and instead of waiting, she swooped at the pair, separating them. Nicolette, upon seeing the raven circling her, agitated, followed her, leaving the man leaning against the tree. As they fled, the raven leading Nicolette through the trees, they both heard the man pull out a phone and speak quickly.

"APB Centenary Park, rogue hostile... attack, and unknown intervention."

Once out of sight of the man, Ceri shifts to human, and Nicolette throws herself into her arms. Confusion on her face, she begins to ask what happened, what is wrong. Ceri kisses her and hugs her tightly and speaks in a whisper.

Gwynefar remembers...
the nature of desire...
the taste of an elders blood,
and his fangs in her...

"You have to get out of here love, those folk are trouble. I'm sorry I did not warn you what you were coming into. Go to this address, don't let anyone see you, and see Dominic. He's a good one and can help." She hugs her again, and both of them hear the sirens coming, and she glances up and then back to Nicolette. "I am going to buy you some time, so you can get clear of them. For that, I need a favour…" Softly she whispers into Nicolette's ear, who looks shocked an looks at Ceri, and then nods quietly, her eyes filled with … something. Ceri casts softly, and then lowers her mouth to her lover's throat, shaking slightly as memory of the last time she tasted kindred blood flicks through her mind. His blood was older, stronger, but his skin was as cold as frost. Nicolette is warmer. The feeding only takes a moment, both of them dropping to the earth, as their respective addictions struggle for purchase, denied by their will.

The ritual is complete. Ceri now the mirror image of Nicolette takes her coat and removes a flower from her hair. She offers it the stunned Nicolette, who is gaping at what appears to be a perfect replica of herself. Ceri laughs a little, her throaty rasp odd. "We swap clothes now, hurry."

Nicolette eats the flower and a flush of blood comes to her cheeks. She looks human, now, and Ceri's clothes hang wrong on her frame. But she looks different, and that may get her out. She looks at the card with Dominic's address on it, and flees into the dark. At one point she turns, looking back at her lover, herself, who stands there, and whispers across the distance, "I love you". As the human Nici runs, Ceri concentrate for a moment. Her blood becomes poison, her heart harder to stake. Then she turns into the park towards the sirens and lets them catch sight of her, and the hunt is on.

Ceridwyn remembers....
the nature of love....
'Oh Nicolette I am so sorry for leaving you...'

She's runs slow enough for them to follow, leading them away from Nici's path. She cuts down towards the lakes, heading out towards Queens park and just beyond it, Waverley. The cars and those on foot race to intercept, falling for the diversion. She dashes into the trees, switches to Owl, and flies, but does not lose them. Shots wing past her, and take out a wing, dropping her back to the ground, where she shifts again, burning through blood to repair the damage. They are good, and she realises that they are quite able to keep up with her, and she ducks into a corner, slits her palm so she bleeds over her hand and continues running. One of them catches up and goes to stake, but the stake disolves, and Ceri turns, the bloodied hand touching his chest. He collapses, paralysed, and she keeps running. Almost at Waverley Cemetary, near the temple.

She spurs herself on, turning into the gates, under a hail of shots. They are flanking her now, and she dashes out of sight for a moment behind a crypt, and goes to mist, flowing over the ground to the edge of the cliff. And there, they catch her. She goes back to human, dropping Nici's mask to appear as herself. Several of them start, jumping to the conclusion that it was Ceri all along. She smiles as the ruse works. One of them goes to finish the job, but another says quietly "No. Not yet." He looks east, and Ceri knows what he's looking at, she can feel it, the sun coming, as the cemetary lightens for the coming day.

Little Hawk remembers...
The nature of of faith
Honor and family first last and always...

He remains there, on guard, all of them hemming her in, knowing that she will either have to fight her way out, or go off the cliff, and either act would torpor her, leaving her at the sun's mercy. Realising she's almost out of time, she speaks to him.

"All of you are effective. And as the condemned, I would like a final request." The words make a few look surprised, like 'she's not going to fight her way out?'. They clutch their weapons closer, suspecting a trick.

"What is it? Why should we listen to you?"

"Because this will do you a favour too. At this address there is a cell of what we call the Brood." Most of them look confused, but one man, tall and tattooed, starts and looks at her.

"The Brood. We can not help that we are not... human, but they take joy in being savage. They are the monsters you fear, not us." He stands impassive, staring at her. The other gaurds are beginning to fidget. A safety clicks. She must make them see.

"Destroy them. Do it now before they really turn on this city. Do it while you can." She speaks to him and only him. "Those of Belial's Brood make us look nice, and you do not want that scourge on your city.It will finish something I was unable to. Please." She pours herself into her plea, heart and soul and all the charm she has ever had.


All three, Little Hawk, Gwynefar, Ceridwyn....
Maid, Mother, Crone....
Remember the task the Ravenscarred are charged with...
"End it for me.... Please"

He nods, almost imperceptably and backs away. Ceri smiles, and this more than anything before disturbs the men. They charge.

She won't kill. She stuns, she claws, she tries to avoid hurting them by accident but there is just too many and her feet slip on on the limbs of the unconcious ones. She sees the tattooed man backing away, not fighting her. And them someone sets off a flare and all she can see is red fire before her. And behind her as the sun rises fast.

Honour, Loyalty, Love

As the first rays come over the horizon, several things happen at once; and Ceri turns, leaping for the air as she wills the last of her blood to the form of a raven.

Little Hawk remembers Dominion
"I am sorry my mother"
Gwynefar remembers Vittorio
"Goodbye my father"
Ceridwyn remembers Nicolette
"I will love you always"

Climbing into the sky, the rays hit her over the ocean, and then ash sprinkles the water.

Give him a feather... the task charged from a ravenscarred

A raven feather lands softly, drifting into the tattooed arms. He goes to brush it away, hesitates, and then slips it into his pocket.

All requiem pc's retired.

Caitline is a courtesan, who was born in the 1870s. Embraced around the turn of the century, released 1905 in France. She's Ventrue, OD, and will be a spoiling practitioner, not a coil's monkey.

Ties are welcome - I have a chunk of history to fill, including how she joins the OD and her exposure to spoiling.

Email me at raven dot steps at gmail dot com to talk more, or leave a comment here.

For those wanting to know about Ceri - in a few weeks a post will be made public, after the next vamp game. Events go live this weekend, 31st May, but I am not posting her final story till after game, because it affects events in the next vampire game.

Thanks to Sadhbh for helping me with this.
I have finally unlocked all the writing I did for Ceridwyn, and indexed it.

For your interest.


http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/10684.html Meeting Vittorio- 1809
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/9655.html Ceridwyns mortal father – 1810
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/3448.html With Vittorio, France 1813
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/3921.html Fallout, falling, and control – 1813
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/8698.html A temper tantrum - 1815
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/5775.html Descent into Hell - 1818
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/5966.html In hell - 1818
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/4986.html Escape – 1819
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/18847.html Embrace - 1825
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/22726.html Lessons with Dominion - 1825
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/18246.html Song meme - Meeting Kincaid - 1875
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/35961.html Hunting brood and meeting Charli - 1952

Chronicle events

http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/2831.html Running – Oct 2006
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/3730.html Dreaming - Nov 2006
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/4115.html Home and memories - Nov 2006
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/4776.html Heaven and Hell - Nov 2006
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/5339.html Loyalty and Politics - Nov 2006
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/6496.html Music - Nov 2006
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/7565.html Journey to Perth - 23 Nov 2006
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/7844.html On the Train - 24 Nov 2006
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/8136.html On the train part 2 - 24 Nov 2006
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/8434.html Racing the sun – 25 Nov 2006
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/8952.html Things you should not do – Perth, 25 Nov 2006
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/9172.html A debate (headspace post) 25 Nov 2006
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/9248.html Legacies – Nicolette and Ceridwyn – Dec 2006
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/10806.html Mortality, and immortality – Christmas Eve 2006
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/13819.html Unity - Jan 2007
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/14004.html Song meme, The Inquisitrix - Jan 2007
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/17157.html Goodbye to the Inquisitrix – Feb 2007
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/18477.html Loss of community - April 2007
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/22500.html Ravenscarred – June 2007
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/26257.html Return to Aust, and the start of the search – Sept 2007
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/30936.html Facing your Vice - Dec 2007
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/31199.html This is how I pray – Dec 2007
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/35637.html Meeting the Hermes - Dec 2007
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/32249.html A new Tribulation - Summer Solstice Dec 2007
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/32749.html On the Rack - Summer solstice Dec 2007
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/33808.html Loss of Faith - Torpor – 8 Jan 2008
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/36254.html Torpor dreams - Jan 2008
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/39254.html Torpor - Dreaming of Faith – March 2008
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/40290.html An agonising return - Revival – 9 March 2008
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/40656.html The Underworld - 9 March 2008
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/41980.html A meeting with the prince – March 2008
http://raven-steps.livejournal.com/42070.html The beast unchained – March 2008

Last post – 13 May 2008
- Coming subject to ST call -
As of this morning all Ceri's contacts are no longer answered. Nothing is felt over blood sympathy.

I have retired her from sanctioned play. Those who are important enough to know the reasons do.
Status of application to reinstate Angelique Beaumont to sanctioned play as a pc of the Sydney Mage Chronicle. Approved.

*me squees*

Its been such a terrible day, hearing this was a good peice of news.
A post to Aus-gangrel.

In the earth, surrounded by bush, deep in a ravine, Ceri lays
dreaming. This is not a coherant dream, but madness, loss of faith,
flowing like ribbons of blood that she craves with an ecstacy that is
frightening. She feels stronger now, and darkness gathers, black birds
circling, the horror and strength of her family, of Her, screams
around her. In the dark, she turns from the wise, in control Acolyte,
to a ravening monster, no faith, nothing to hold back that rage and

Abruptly it stops, strangled into submission.

The eyes that peer out at you are those of someone whose entire faith
and belief is gone - nothing is holding in the rage. To anyone who
knows Ceri, its a stark and frightening sight.

She does not speak, and then is gone.
OOC. Another warning. Use this and its cheating. That includes if you know she's awake, if you know she's talking to Aaron, and anything else. Important, given the current state of play and ic politics.

Read more... )
Becuase it feels like a Gangrel song. Or a family song.



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