Caitline - not going to bother ending. She will be dead by June, for the reset.

River - will play up to her death/retirement. She will be out of play by June, for the reset.

Cat - unsanctioned, not continuing to play.

Zahira - unsanctioned, not continuing to play. This one hurts.

Smoke - continuing to play, so will remain sanctioned till 31 October.

Angel - not active, not playing her in the Independent domain.

Membership. Expires on 31 October 2009. Not renewing. If I'm not going to be able to play how I would like, and have my needs/desires sacrificed for the 'many', then there is no reason I should. Time to go.

I'm angry, but i'm not going to rant. I'll save that for when I join the 'bitter ex-cammies brigade'.

I know I've burnt my bridges with a lot of people.
Food for thought about why this club gets to me sometimes, and why i need to not play in person some genres, and during some periods of my life.

GrowlyBethling: you know the reason why rules and bureaucracy gets to me?
GrowlyBethling: because in my head, from very early on, 'following the rules' or 'belonging' = 'being liked/loved/important'.
GrowlyBethling: or being a PERSON.
GrowlyBethling: its very strong imprint. massively.
GrowlyBethling: and what trashes me every single time, is something happening, that 'invalidates' me as a person. It both makes me angry and hurt.
GrowlyBethling: So, rage directed outward to the world, or rage directed inward to me (aka depression).



March 2009

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