Feb. 4th, 2008

Something i want to talk about.

Yesterday morning I had a bad dream. It was a strange one that mixed elements of the SCA and cam scene, and involved a social situation where someone who I consider a friend offended me. It was very very silly, not even anything important, but we argued and it was a very barbed argument. After some reflecting, I think I know what it was about.

Loss of trust. I accept that I have lost the trust and possibly the friendship of several members of the ravenscarred players. But I now also acknowledge they have damaged mine too. Discussion of characters organising hits, players playing politics, not sure if I can trust what people say.

I’d like to see some degree of responsibility taken for making me feel that way, whether it is deserved or not. It’s the only way I have a chance of accepting this and us moving on. Rebuilding a relationship.

I hope that is not too much to ask.

Some people have done a lot of work to help me get past this – Amber and Pat and members of the Wolfe von Stahl in particular. I am still not sure how to move past this. What I am sure of is that if I am to rebuild a friendship with these people then I need to trust, and visa versa. And right now I don't.

I don't know how to fix this, or get it off my mind. I'd really like to get it off my mind. Now, I'm reaching the stage where I may be ready to talk, however uncertain I am about the wisdom of that.

Yes is is unlocked for a reason.



March 2009

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